Me Now

Well since it has been a while once again. Turns out I’m really bad at this blogging thing, but I know that when I need to rant it will always be here. It’s a pretty good outlet for my problems.

As it has been a good year and a half since I typed here last I should probably update everyone on what my life is like at the moment. Subject to change at any time.

It’s summertime here in northeastern Pa. I just graduated from High School a few months ago and this Fall I am headed to Delaware Valley University to study Animal Science/ Pre-Professional. Heading towards that Veterinarian track I’ve always hoped to pursue.

My love life consists of one man, which if you know me is quite impressive. Not that there hasn’t been a lot of guys between the last time I posted to know, but catching everyone up would take a while. Maybe I’ll do it someday. Just not right now. My current boyfriend of almost 11 months now, Tucker, who I believe I could love for the rest of my life is still my new infatuation. As this is my longest standing relationship I can say that I truly am in love with this boy and that there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for him. Although, we fight a lot more than we probably should and we say things we don’t mean, he’s my whole world. I don’t know what I would do without his love, support, and smile.

I met Tucker at my now ex-boyfriends Prom where he was attending with his ex as well. We said hi to each other, as our exes knew each other and were introducing us. Other than that we had no contact until about the end of August when he added me on Snapchat and started flirting. At this time I was single for almost a couple months now, but he was still with the girl he had gone to that Prom with back in May. He came to me about the problems they were having and we got to be pretty good friends. Eventually he asked me out to dinner and well the rest is history (and a story for another time).

Thats a quick rap up on what has been going on in my life and I appreciate if anyone read through it all. :p

-Yours Truly

Where to Start…

So much has happened since the end of June. Including my very interesting “love” life. The last you guys knew I was dating Liam who was away at basic.

Well, Fair started the 14th of July where I basically live in my camper for ten days and show my animals. The Fair Grounds aren’t too far from my house, so the rest of my family usually goes home at night while I stay there. The 2016 Fair I met a fellow 4her and hog shower, Kasey, and he ended up becoming my first boyfriend. He and his family also camped at the fairgrounds that week and we hung out constantly. At nights we would wait until my family left and he would sneak over to my camper and we would talk and cuddle until 4 am each morning. The whole situation became like my own fairytale and I fell for him until September rolled around and he broke my heart. Although he hurt me and messed me up for a long time we still stayed friends.

So flash forward until 2017 Fair where we both showed and lived for ten days. At this point, we were friends, but not too close and he had been dating a girl for six months now and I was with Liam. Probably the second or third day of Fair week we started texting and hanging out non stop. He was aware I had a boyfriend and I knew about Ashley his girlfriend. Roughly the fourth day of Fair and Ashley and his six month anniversary he broke things off with her. I was sitting there with one of my friends and she was helping him, but I stayed quiet because he knew I wasn’t a fan of Ashley.

After spending more and more time together we became inseparable. At nights a group of us 4h kids would take a projector and a sheet and show a movie every night for the last three or four nights for whoever wanted to come watch. Kids I had never even talked to would pass out right in front of my camper. Kasey would always come over and watch them and sit right next to me. As the days and endless nights would go on we became very flirty with one another. We’d tease each other and steal one another’s things and it’d always end with us cuddling and watching the movies we played.I knew it was wrong and I shouldn’t be doing that to Liam. but it didn’t stop me.

I had never really gotten over Kasey and we had started spending so much time together it was like he had never hurt me. The last two nights of Fair the cuddling turned into kissing and then sneaking off and making out. After Kasey and I talked we both agreed that staying friends would be better and that we had tried dating once and it didn’t work out. We have now coined the term “Fair Fling” and to this day we’re still friends and plan to fling this summer as well. Yes I know it’s a little weird, but we both have very poor luck when it comes to relationships.

I never once regretted the whole situation because when Liam came home he refused to talk to me and we broke up because he no longer wanted a girlfriend. He still has no clue what happened between Kasey and I and probably will never know, because in October he was arrested and he hasn’t been back since.

So that’s as far as we’re going tonight and that’s not even close to caught up yet… Ask questions if need be I’m not afraid to explain some things.

My Boyfriend Situation

Two guy based posts in a row… I promise I’m the farthest thing from boy crazy. Get ready for another really long read and I apologize in advance.

It’s currently summer vacation and our story starts at the beginning of the school year. My second period English class consisted of five people and I was the only girl. I shared the class with two guys from my grade and two guys that were in the grade above me. That’s where this whole mess of a story starts… that second period English class.

One of the upperclassman I guess we will call him Liam. I knew his first name at the beginning of the year and for over half the school year I said very little to him. My best friend, we will call her Mia, started to talk to Liam and not long after they started dating.

Liam and Mia’s relationship was way troubled… they both were guilty of cheating on each other, but Mia was more so guilty than Liam and after maybe only two weeks she broke up with him. She was already talking to at least two other guys the next day and when she told me they broke up she was laughing about it.

Now since Mia and I were Besties she wanted me to become friends with Liam and while the two dated we would talk more and more. When she broke up with him he was devastated and came to me for someone to talk to. I felt bad because I knew how she had treated him and lied to him and used him. During the next couple of weeks Liam and I had gotten close and he often hinted that he liked me.

First of all I knew that Liam was not someone that you could trust. He was a liar, a cheater, and just not a great guy all together. I often voiced my opinion about the number of hoes he had and he would often reassure me that he could be loyal. He was really sweet and was a really great friend and even though I was weary I decided to give it a try. I kept my guard up for a long time.

I expected the worst from him, but what I didn’t expect was Mia’s reaction when she found out that we liked each other. Mia and I were like sisters and I thought that nothing was going to change that but boy was I wrong… She was outraged and stopped talking to me, but not until after voicing to me that I wasn’t actually a friend and that I had purposefully tried to hurt her. The next day she left school crying over the whole situation. When I got home I tried texting her and asking if she was okay and that I honestly didn’t think that she would have cared considering how their relationship ended, but she had insisted that she had loved him. I had lost my best friend because of a guy… At this point I really had to make Liam and I work because I wasn’t going to lose her for no reason.

After a long weekend school started again and that first day back Mia saw how fine I was and that I wasn’t going to let her get to me. That night she texted me and apologized for overreacting. At this point I was over all of the drama and I just left her on read.

I know that what I did was wrong… The whole situation was a bad judgement call and it should’ve been handled differently. I’ll take the blame and now after months of rebuilding our friendship we are slowly but steadily fixing what we broke.

Less than a month into Liam and I dating I found out that he had cheated on me. I wasn’t hurt and I wasn’t surprised. He had been distant recently and I could tell what was coming. We broke up and I went on with my life.

A month later it had been less awkward around him at school and he was back to being flirty with me here and there. Fast forward to my birthday where he snap chatted me and told me how much of a crappy person I was, because he had found out that I was talking crap about him with Mia. Let’s just say he definitely ruined my day. A few weeks later he snapped me telling me that I had looked “really cute today”. I never let much bother me so I was already over him being a jerk and after a few conversations here and there we agreed to be friends.

One night he called me because he had just gotten off work and was bored, so I talked to him for sometime. After we hung up he text me, “I’m glad I can still make you laugh” and just like that we found ourselves talking again. He really was a sweet guy and I couldn’t help the fact that I still had feelings for him. We started dating again and this time there was no problems that raised from it.

He left for basic training at the beginning of June and I miss him like crazy. I still am scared to trust him 100% because of what happened, but I do love him. Honestly without him I am really lonely. Sadly, I’ve thought about replacing him while he is gone but I don’t think I could do it. I’m terrified of losing him and I can’t wait for him to come home.

Wow… if anyone made it through this post I applaud you and also appreciate it. I hope I didn’t confuse anyone. Feel free to comment if you have questions and I’ll try to clear things up.

– Yours Truly

This Guy…

So there’s this guy. No, I’m not talking about my boyfriend. Just hold on and keep reading before you start freaking out. I’m not a cheater… I’m really not… well not yet.

I think that’s the worst sentence I could have ever wrote. I don’t even have feelings for the guy I started talking about so the whole “Cheating” topic will be saved for another blog.

So anyway there’s this guy. My Mom used to babysit him and his older brother when they were babies. I guess you could say they’re family friends to a certain extent. I knew him from 4-H, our families, and the cabin we go to sometimes.

He messaged me back in early March on Messenger, because we were Facebook friends. It was kinda out of the blue and it was just small talk. I didn’t think anything of it really, because he had a girlfriend and we we’re always just nice to each other. He asked for my snap chat because he wanted more people to snap so I gave it to him and again thought nothing of it.

Not long after snapping back and forth I kinda picked up a flirty tone and just tried to tell myself that he was being friendly. That lasted for less than an hour until he told me that I was beautiful and that he’s always had a thing for redheads…. HOLD UP… He has a girlfriend of like 2 or 3 years that I also know. I didn’t want to get into this and it kinda grossed me out. He’s not that good looking and not to mention he’s like FOUR YEARS OLDER THAN ME!

I quickly reminded him that he had a girlfriend and that he was being weird. He really didn’t care that he was in a relationship and he continues to still talk to me like he is single. He has talked about one day dating me and not to mention his girlfriend LIVES WITH HIM. Maybe I’m overreacting I mean it’s all talk right?

Well a couple months ago he tried to talk me into sneaking out at like midnight to go fishing with him… First of all I’m not a bad kid I don’t sneak out, so I told him that I didn’t feel like getting into trouble and that it was cold and I was tired, but he wouldn’t give up. So eventually I just told him I had a boyfriend even though I didn’t at the time.

Let’s just say he backed off for like a week and he is already talking to me again. I can’t make it all seem like his fault because I still reply and talk to him, but I try and stay far away from flirting with him. I know he will be at the Fair I’m showing at with his girlfriend and he always talks about hanging out and I’m kinda worried about what he’ll try.

I know that if I wanted him to stop talking to me I could easily end it… I like the attention though and I don’t want it to be awkward between our families. I know I have a problem… Well I think this is where I stop typing. Sorry for the length.

– Yours Truly