Me Now

Well since it has been a while once again. Turns out I’m really bad at this blogging thing, but I know that when I need to rant it will always be here. It’s a pretty good outlet for my problems.

As it has been a good year and a half since I typed here last I should probably update everyone on what my life is like at the moment. Subject to change at any time.

It’s summertime here in northeastern Pa. I just graduated from High School a few months ago and this Fall I am headed to Delaware Valley University to study Animal Science/ Pre-Professional. Heading towards that Veterinarian track I’ve always hoped to pursue.

My love life consists of one man, which if you know me is quite impressive. Not that there hasn’t been a lot of guys between the last time I posted to know, but catching everyone up would take a while. Maybe I’ll do it someday. Just not right now. My current boyfriend of almost 11 months now, Tucker, who I believe I could love for the rest of my life is still my new infatuation. As this is my longest standing relationship I can say that I truly am in love with this boy and that there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for him. Although, we fight a lot more than we probably should and we say things we don’t mean, he’s my whole world. I don’t know what I would do without his love, support, and smile.

I met Tucker at my now ex-boyfriends Prom where he was attending with his ex as well. We said hi to each other, as our exes knew each other and were introducing us. Other than that we had no contact until about the end of August when he added me on Snapchat and started flirting. At this time I was single for almost a couple months now, but he was still with the girl he had gone to that Prom with back in May. He came to me about the problems they were having and we got to be pretty good friends. Eventually he asked me out to dinner and well the rest is history (and a story for another time).

Thats a quick rap up on what has been going on in my life and I appreciate if anyone read through it all. :p

-Yours Truly

Innocence

Last night I had a party and all my girlfriends came over and we hung out. We played Cards Against Humanity and watched The Longest Ride (my fav movie of all time).

A few decided to crash at my house and we were probably up until 4 in the morning. Like most girls do we started talking and telling stories about guys or whatever was on our mind. It was at this point that I realized my friends weren’t as innocent as I thought they were.

It had been a while since we had all hung out without guys around so the talks got real. I heard what they were saying but couldn’t believe that it was coming out of their mouths. I don’t judge them and I except it, but I definitely look at them differently know.

It’s weird to see how much more crazy and out there they are when you take them out of a public setting. I do feel even more comfortable around them even though I didn’t think that was possible. It’s nice to actually feel more understood and tell others about your thoughts and get feedback.

It was definitely a really fun night and just crazy.

– Yours Truly

 

My Boyfriend Situation

Two guy based posts in a row… I promise I’m the farthest thing from boy crazy. Get ready for another really long read and I apologize in advance.

It’s currently summer vacation and our story starts at the beginning of the school year. My second period English class consisted of five people and I was the only girl. I shared the class with two guys from my grade and two guys that were in the grade above me. That’s where this whole mess of a story starts… that second period English class.

One of the upperclassman I guess we will call him Liam. I knew his first name at the beginning of the year and for over half the school year I said very little to him. My best friend, we will call her Mia, started to talk to Liam and not long after they started dating.

Liam and Mia’s relationship was way troubled… they both were guilty of cheating on each other, but Mia was more so guilty than Liam and after maybe only two weeks she broke up with him. She was already talking to at least two other guys the next day and when she told me they broke up she was laughing about it.

Now since Mia and I were Besties she wanted me to become friends with Liam and while the two dated we would talk more and more. When she broke up with him he was devastated and came to me for someone to talk to. I felt bad because I knew how she had treated him and lied to him and used him. During the next couple of weeks Liam and I had gotten close and he often hinted that he liked me.

First of all I knew that Liam was not someone that you could trust. He was a liar, a cheater, and just not a great guy all together. I often voiced my opinion about the number of hoes he had and he would often reassure me that he could be loyal. He was really sweet and was a really great friend and even though I was weary I decided to give it a try. I kept my guard up for a long time.

I expected the worst from him, but what I didn’t expect was Mia’s reaction when she found out that we liked each other. Mia and I were like sisters and I thought that nothing was going to change that but boy was I wrong… She was outraged and stopped talking to me, but not until after voicing to me that I wasn’t actually a friend and that I had purposefully tried to hurt her. The next day she left school crying over the whole situation. When I got home I tried texting her and asking if she was okay and that I honestly didn’t think that she would have cared considering how their relationship ended, but she had insisted that she had loved him. I had lost my best friend because of a guy… At this point I really had to make Liam and I work because I wasn’t going to lose her for no reason.

After a long weekend school started again and that first day back Mia saw how fine I was and that I wasn’t going to let her get to me. That night she texted me and apologized for overreacting. At this point I was over all of the drama and I just left her on read.

I know that what I did was wrong… The whole situation was a bad judgement call and it should’ve been handled differently. I’ll take the blame and now after months of rebuilding our friendship we are slowly but steadily fixing what we broke.

Less than a month into Liam and I dating I found out that he had cheated on me. I wasn’t hurt and I wasn’t surprised. He had been distant recently and I could tell what was coming. We broke up and I went on with my life.

A month later it had been less awkward around him at school and he was back to being flirty with me here and there. Fast forward to my birthday where he snap chatted me and told me how much of a crappy person I was, because he had found out that I was talking crap about him with Mia. Let’s just say he definitely ruined my day. A few weeks later he snapped me telling me that I had looked “really cute today”. I never let much bother me so I was already over him being a jerk and after a few conversations here and there we agreed to be friends.

One night he called me because he had just gotten off work and was bored, so I talked to him for sometime. After we hung up he text me, “I’m glad I can still make you laugh” and just like that we found ourselves talking again. He really was a sweet guy and I couldn’t help the fact that I still had feelings for him. We started dating again and this time there was no problems that raised from it.

He left for basic training at the beginning of June and I miss him like crazy. I still am scared to trust him 100% because of what happened, but I do love him. Honestly without him I am really lonely. Sadly, I’ve thought about replacing him while he is gone but I don’t think I could do it. I’m terrified of losing him and I can’t wait for him to come home.

Wow… if anyone made it through this post I applaud you and also appreciate it. I hope I didn’t confuse anyone. Feel free to comment if you have questions and I’ll try to clear things up.

– Yours Truly

This Guy…

So there’s this guy. No, I’m not talking about my boyfriend. Just hold on and keep reading before you start freaking out. I’m not a cheater… I’m really not… well not yet.

I think that’s the worst sentence I could have ever wrote. I don’t even have feelings for the guy I started talking about so the whole “Cheating” topic will be saved for another blog.

So anyway there’s this guy. My Mom used to babysit him and his older brother when they were babies. I guess you could say they’re family friends to a certain extent. I knew him from 4-H, our families, and the cabin we go to sometimes.

He messaged me back in early March on Messenger, because we were Facebook friends. It was kinda out of the blue and it was just small talk. I didn’t think anything of it really, because he had a girlfriend and we we’re always just nice to each other. He asked for my snap chat because he wanted more people to snap so I gave it to him and again thought nothing of it.

Not long after snapping back and forth I kinda picked up a flirty tone and just tried to tell myself that he was being friendly. That lasted for less than an hour until he told me that I was beautiful and that he’s always had a thing for redheads…. HOLD UP… He has a girlfriend of like 2 or 3 years that I also know. I didn’t want to get into this and it kinda grossed me out. He’s not that good looking and not to mention he’s like FOUR YEARS OLDER THAN ME!

I quickly reminded him that he had a girlfriend and that he was being weird. He really didn’t care that he was in a relationship and he continues to still talk to me like he is single. He has talked about one day dating me and not to mention his girlfriend LIVES WITH HIM. Maybe I’m overreacting I mean it’s all talk right?

Well a couple months ago he tried to talk me into sneaking out at like midnight to go fishing with him… First of all I’m not a bad kid I don’t sneak out, so I told him that I didn’t feel like getting into trouble and that it was cold and I was tired, but he wouldn’t give up. So eventually I just told him I had a boyfriend even though I didn’t at the time.

Let’s just say he backed off for like a week and he is already talking to me again. I can’t make it all seem like his fault because I still reply and talk to him, but I try and stay far away from flirting with him. I know he will be at the Fair I’m showing at with his girlfriend and he always talks about hanging out and I’m kinda worried about what he’ll try.

I know that if I wanted him to stop talking to me I could easily end it… I like the attention though and I don’t want it to be awkward between our families. I know I have a problem… Well I think this is where I stop typing. Sorry for the length.

– Yours Truly

 

 

Being Understood

It’s hard to feel understood as a teenager or even an adult really… I guess things never change. I live in a small town on a dairy farm… It’s a small town, but not too much of it is actually rural.

I’ve always wanted a best friend who lives the way I do and understands me and can contribute to a conversation that starts with “We had a cow freshen yesterday and she ended up with milk fever.” (Terrible IK). All I get are blank stares from my friends and I mean it’s not really their fault they weren’t raised like me.

I have one friend who can somewhat follow along with the jargon, but then when she gets lost she just pretends to know what I’m talking about. She has a barn on her property that only has animals in it when they raise them to show them at the fair, it’s surrounded by fields someone else farms and she calls their lawnmower a tractor… Now I understand that country isn’t where you live and what you where because I dress up to go to school and when I’m with friends, but something about her trying to call herself country and a farmer just ticks me off. I guess it’s really because she will never understand the blood, sweat, and tears that’s put into the back breaking work of a farming family to just get by. But, she is the closest thing that I’ve got to what I’ve always wanted. Again I’ll say that it sucks the only people I can talk to about this is my family. I kinda can’t wait to leave here and find my kinda people.

This whole post would probably make you shake your head if you knew the kinda social status I have at school. You’d think someone like me would be an outsider, but I’m not. I hang out with who you’d call the “popular girls” in school and I know others would die for that kinda standing, and I love all my friends I really do… I just wish they could relate more to me.

Anyone else out there like me? It’s funny that beginning this post I really didn’t know where I was going with it but I guess I figured it out. Sorry to bore you all with my thoughts but it’s nice to put them out there finally and just be able to write.

– Yours Truly

About Me

So… first blog post. I really don’t know where to start. I guess the only reason I’m awake at 1:25 A.M. starting a blog is because I was searching through Netflix and stumbled upon the movie Ask Me Anything. I guess you could say it hit me in the feels. So hear I am… I guess a 16 year old girl has nothing better to do on a Summer night. Well, I definitely don’t because my boyfriends at basic for the whole Summer. For those of you who don’t know what basic is, I’m talking about basic training since he joined the National Guard. The only way I get to talk to him is through writing letters… very old school I know, but also cute. Trying to tell myself I’ll be okay until the end of August without him as I lay in bed wearing the hoodie he gave me, listening to sad music, and starting a blog. I’m not sure how much you’ve really learned about me so far, but if you’re still reading I guess you want to learn more. I live in a small town on a dairy farm… I’m sure I just lost about half of you but that’s okay. I play high school varsity soccer and have lettered both years of my varsity career. I’ve been playing since I can remember and I’ve been told that I’m really good and that I have the skill to play in College. I also show at our local fair which starts in Julyyyyyy!!! Well now that it 2:18 I might as well try and sleep.